i wish i could find the words to say;

how i really feel. sometimes, everything's so surreal. it's like living in some dream world, i feel happy, i feel sad. yet in some twisted way, i dontknow how i feel. numb. a sense of emptiness. something which used to be there to fill up that hole has disappeared. the driven self and motivation has dissipated and the adrenaline has stopped flowing. it's like a car without petrol. without the petrol, the car cant move, cant do anything. when will i find that petrol to fill me up once again?

and certain cars work the best with a certain kind of petrol. sometimes, pouring another kind of petrol to fill the tank would not enhance the car's potential. a different brand of petrol is just Different. no matter how you expect that petrol to make the car generate the engine as fast as the original petrol, it just, isnt the same. some cars work with a certain brand of petrol. replacements, no matter how hard you try, is just different for the car.

the right brand of petrol would consume your soul, take over everything, and make the car the best car in the world. even if the car is some beatup truck like Archie's. with the right petrol, the car might just feel like the best car in the world.

but sometimes, the Original petrol is not available and one has to make do with XXX brand of petrol. the car tries to accept the XXX petrol and pretends its the Original petrol but it's just so hard to do. both petrols are unique but the car still misses the original petrol. no matter how the car tries, no matter how much XXX is put into the car, the car still misses the lingering taste of the Original petrol.

damnit,
why am i advertising for petrol.